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Watching The Woods: The Half-Baked Confessions Of An Obsessed Slenderfan

Posted on February 23, 2013 at 6:45 PM

Or, In Which Snicket Admits to Shit for Your Sick Amusement. :3

So there's a Tumblr out there I poke around on every so often entitled Slenderman Confessions. It's one of a long line of Fandom Confessions Tumblrs, apparently this is a big thing amongst Tumblrites. And it's amazing how much you can identify with on that site when it comes to being a fan of the Mythos.

Well, I will happily own up to some of my own confessions, and that's what this blog entry is about. Discussing some personal confessions about the Mythos that I think might go against the grain, be considered odd, or possibly be things you can agree with. This entry will be short and sweet, and I'll only go into a little detail, but I felt it might be kind of fun to fess up for once. So, here you go. Because I like you a lot (now, don't take that TOO seriously...):

  • Confession #1: I honestly have no issue with a benevolent/child-protecting/"angel"/good guy Slenderman. Seriously. If it's written well I'll read it. Benevolent can still be creepy, and Dark is Not (always) Evil. I honestly don't understand all this fan hatred of people who like using Slenderman as a protective entity or child-savior rather than a child-eater. I don't personally like this interpretation because to me, the unknown (which Slenderman represents) is neither fully good, nor fully evil, but a thing that exists and we impose meaning upon. Therefore not only do I dislike a truely good Slendy, I also dislike a truly evil Slendy - it makes no sense either way to me within my head canon, but I'm flexible enough to accept any interpretation. Thing is, it's not canon that he's evil, just dark and creepy and horrific. If you can point me to one thing that says "Slendy must always, for every series/blog/ARG, be evil and dangerous" and it covers EVERY SINGLE aspect of the Mythos ever created from the Surgist stuff to the recent stuff, then I'll retract my confession, but until that time, I have no issue with Slenderman being a good guy. And I think all of those who DO have an issue with it are uncreative.

  • Confession #2: I think the idea of Slenderman having cults around him is goofy as shit. Sorry, DH00 Fans, but I cannot take that series seriously because the cultists in it are so stereotypical. Now, I have no issue with Slenderman having groups of creepy folks or Proxies around him, that's sort of what the Collective is and they're terrifying to me. But cults? People, he is not a Great Old One. he could be, sure, but I just think the idea of evil-worshipping cults is kinda overdone. It's not scary to me, it's B-movie stuff. XD The reason it worked for Lovecraft is because he was trying to send a specific message with it. Granted, it was a racist as hell message, but it was still being used for a purpose. Cults with Slenderman just feel like they're there to be, you know, there, and that's when I find them goofy. I won't hate your series for having cultists, but I still probably will find it hard to get into and believe fully.

  • Confession #3: TribeTwelve was the best Mythos thing that has happened to me thus far because brought my best friend and I closer together. Literally. We sat up and marathonned all the videos one night and got jumpscared by the Observer four or five seperate times. That series scared me more than most, and still freaks me out. I still hesitate a bit going to that Youtube channel. And it is so fucking awesome. :D

  • Confession #4: I will shamelessly admit to having terrible woobiecrushes on Noah Maxwell and Tim. I can't help it, Noah's adorable with that curly hair and Tim just suffers so beautifully... I just... I can't. You two boys stay right there, wrapped up in blankets, we can watch happy movies and eat chocolate and chicken noodle soup and cry. I love you two and watching you be tortured by forces beyond your control hurts me... T^T Especially you Tim, nobody fucks with my Timasky, especially not fangirls that write creepy fanfics about him. Quit it, it's physically painful.

  • Confession #5: I really, honestly do NOT understand this fandom's obsession with Homestuck. All I know is that it's a webcomic about monsters or something. Why is it relevant? Why is it a thing in this Mythos specifically? Is there a vlog/blog protagonist that reads it or something? Does it have something to do with Our Slender Friend? I don't get it. At all.

  • Confession #6: I have no issue whatsoever with Proxies, as long as they aren't overused or distract too much from the Tall Guy himself. The Observer gets a pass for this because he actually is plot-relevant and is creepy as fuck. Although I still do think TribeTwelve needed way more Slendy and a little less of Mr. Bespectacled Freak. Proxies should serve to enhance why Slenderman is a threat, not just do random stuff for him. There are certain things Proxies should do - and that's anything that Slenderman himself cannot. Which is not much. So really, the sole reason for Proxies to exist is if Slenderman needs to communicate certain messages, keep an eye on people while he's doing whatever it is he does, or give a powerful impact to the fact he's after the protagonists. The guy has more than enough abilities, powers, and likely intellect to do stuff like observe people, attack people, and otherwise harm people without the aid of someone else. Other than that, I have no issue with Proxies and I don't understand these people who act like they're somehow terrible pieces of fiction that shoudn't be in the Mythos at all anymore. Why waste a decent idea?

  • Confession #7: I have actually hallucinated Slenderman on two separate accounts. Once while walking down a bike trail at night, I thought I saw him in the treeline, freaked out, and ran. The other time I was lying in bed at night half-awake, started feeling cold, got a creepy feeling I was being watched, looked at the corner of my room by my door, and there he was. Then he reached across the room andbrushed his hand over my face, and it was cold where his fingers touched me. Then my phone went off and broke me out of my half-awake state, and I flipped out. That last experience STILL wigs me out a little bit, but I'm afraid to admit it to any other Slenderfans because I feel like I'd end up being laughed out of the room. All the other times I've been scared on accident were cases of mistaking a lamp post, tree, or some other object for Slenderman, but that's fairly typical.

  • Confession #8: The Rake, thanks to WhisperedFaith, now scares me way more than Slenderman does. Thank you, WhisperedFaith. The Observer, thanks to TribeTwelve, also scares me more than the Rake does, because of the constant surveilliance thing and the fact that he taunts you about it. Thank you, TribeTwelve, I needed to be reminded that I had a pulse.

  • Confession #9: I cheerfully go, "Hello, Slenderman! How are you?" whenever I see him show up in series I watch. I have no freaking idea why, I just really, really like to do that. I also catch msyelf skimming photos of trees for him even though I know he's not gonna be there.

  • Confession #10: I don't understand how people can find a series "ruined" by creators who happen to be jerks to their fans. Really? You really have problems with that? That's not the fault of the series, it's the fault of the creator. Creators are just people, and there's plenty of people who are jerks. Why would you ever let one person's jerkass behavior ruin your enjoyment of something you previously liked? Base your opinions of the series on the SERIES, not on the CREATOR. There are plenty of actors and directors that are jerks, but people still like their work - look at Alfred Hitchcock. He was a right womanizing bastard to his female actresses, and his works are still considered masterpieces. My enjoyment of films like Psycho and The Birds is not ruined in any way by Hitchcock being an actual cock, much in the same way as my enjoyment of Slenderseries has nothing to do with whether or not I actually like the creators. A series is a series. Judge based on that, and if you do talk to a creator and find him/her a jerkass, then just stop talking to that creator. Stop interacting with them, and enjoy the series for being the series. You have to suspend your disbelief to get into these stories anyway, why not believe that the characters are perfectly decent people (barring their circumstances) even if the creator is an asshole? And on that note...

  • Confession #11: I am sick to fucking death of the fandom drama. really guys? Most of it, from what I've seen, stems from petty bullshit anyway. Why do you care? I know it's a small fandom and it's a close-knit community, but come on. You ignore jerkasses in real life, why can't you ignore them here too? Why do you have to react back? Let the morons do their thing, you need to have no part of it. That is what a mature person does. They start shit? You walk away. You don't need to end it. I bet you that 95% of the issues within the fandom could be resolved by just walking away before a fight starts, because 95% of the time, that's the case in the real world, too. can't we stopt he drama and just go watch MarbleHornets or something? Please? I'm sick of the in-fighting already and I'm sick of hearing about it, too.

  • Confession #12: Even when I follow the Wiki and do all the homework, I honestly cannot keep up with and understand EverymanHYBRID. I have tried many times. I have started and stopped watching, only to try and pick it up again and stop again, more than a few times. I don't understand the storyline because it's too MUCH of an ARG and I just. Can't. Break. In. In fact, that's my big issue with Slenderseries that are too ARGish, I can't break in if they've been going for a while. It becomes too difficult for me to understand the full story, so I can never feel like I'm really enjoying it. I feel like I've missed half the story or walked in on the end of a movie. So screw it, I tried, I'm done. Clearly EMH is just not for me, because I can't understand it half the time and it's not the good "I don't know what's going on but I wanna find out" kind of not understanding. It's the bad "Okay, so what the actual shit is going on again, and where do I have to look to understand it?" kind of not understanding. If I have to do a shitton of homework for a Slenderman series to even understand the basic gist of what's going on, then that series is not made for me. A few tie-in sites, okay. More than one channel, okay. Numerous sites and channels and an insanely tough to follow plot and amounts of audience participation that can easily be missed out on with my busy schedule? No. I can't, I just can't get into something that overly complex. It's too much. Sorry, Hybrids, but I will never be one of you. It's just not the series for me.

  • Confession #13: I don't get why some Slenderfans get so upset when people use "Slenderman" rather than "Slender Man", and I don't see why calling it "Slendy" is that horribly annoying. On the first thing - why does it matter? It's a preference, really; why let a person's preference annoy you? I honestly couldn't give two tits which way it's spelled as long as you don't use "Slender" as a proper noun. I personally think "Slenderman" looks a bit better, just because it seems more like the name of a creature than "Slender Man" does. To me, the latter implies an actual man that is slender; with the former, there's no chance you can make that mistake. Slenderman is not an actual man, therefore I don't see much reason to imply it is by using "Slender Man", although I'm not all that opposed to it. But that's my preference; please respect my preference and I will respect yours. On the "Slendy" thing, I do get where you're coming from. Really. "Slendy" sounds cute, and the Slenderman itself is definitely NOT cute, or at least not intended to be. But the reason I personally use "Slendy" is as a nickname similar to "Old Scratch" for the devil, "the Fair Folk" for traditional faeries and faes, or "the Kindly Ones" for the Fates in Ancient Greek mythology. It's an affectionate nickname meant to be ironic (although in the case of the latter two, it was to keep from offending those entites). I nickname Our Slender Friend all of the time, calling him things like Tall and Faceless/Spooky/Slender, The Slender One, more than a few different canon names for him (such as the Operator and Der Ritter), and yes, even Slendy. Some people do it to cut down fear of the entity in question. I promise you I'm well aware of what this being does to people, but fuck it, I like calling him Slendy. If that annoys you, then build a bridge and get over it or say something so I won't use it around you, don't just blow up in my face. My preferences aren't your preferences and I'm not gonna tiptoe around this fandom like it's a minefield wondering who I'll offend next.

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